Here’s the controversial headline: your relationship with your significant other should take precedence over your relationship with your kids I know, I know, you could list a million reasons why you may disagree with me, and that’s fine, I’m no expert. Plus my kids are still kids, so maybe I’m wrong and they grow up to be drug dealers (they do have that entrepreneurial spirit ). Luckily, I feel good about who they are as people and the direction they are headed. But a big part of why I feel good about their direction is because of the relationship that Rachel and I have. At least finish reading before you throw stones. Then, by all means, launch away. The Psychology of Love and Belonging A strong relationship with your significant other provides emotional stability for both partners. This stability, in turn, creates a secure environment for children, fostering their emotional development. Research shows that marital satisfaction is strongly correlated with effective parenting (Erel & Burman, 1995). By prioritizing the spousal relationship, parents model healthy relationship dynamics for their children. This modeling teaches children essential skills such as communication, empathy, and conflict resolution, preparing them for their future relationships (Gottman, 1999). From a psychological standpoint, the interplay between the spousal relationship and parenting is complex. Prioritizing the relationship with your significant other doesn't mean neglecting the children; rather, it creates a harmonious family environment. Studies have shown that children in families where parents maintain a strong connection tend to develop better social skills and emotional intelligence. I’d even go one step further and suggest that your relationship with your partner may be the most important force in a child’s development. This, of course, is only true once the child’s basic requirements are met. Most of us are familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs- a psychological theory that divides human needs into five levels, arranged in a pyramid. The base consists of physiological needs, followed by safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization at the top (Maslow, 1943). Finding the Balance I understand and appreciate that there is a very wide spectrum of financial situations. However, in developed nations, physiological needs such as food, shelter, and sleep are generally accessible for most. Safety needs, including personal and financial security, are also more readily attainable. It’s quite possible that you are dissatisfied with your personal economic situation, and have ambitions to improve it. Yet even the poorest in the United States are likely in a better financial position than much of the world's population. In the modern world, where basic needs are often met, we find ourselves on a new frontier, exploring the landscape of emotional connection. The relationship with our partner becomes the beacon, casting a warm glow on the family's emotional terrain. Once our basic needs are met, individuals can begin to focus on higher-level needs. The third level of Maslow's hierarchy is love and belonging, which includes friendships, family, and romantic relationships. This is where my argument lies. To be clear, I’m not suggesting that you should abandon your kids and go on month long vacations with your spouse to Lake Como. Rather, it’s about creating a healthy balance that allows you to effectively nurture both relationships. It’s often said that the most important decision you’ll make in your life is who you decide to spend it with. If we really think about it, I think most of us would agree. The aspects of your life, from children to health to professional success, would be completely different if shared with someone else. While the prioritization of the spousal relationship has its merits, I understand that my perspective may not resonate with everyone. Some may argue that the bond between parent and child is so unique and irreplaceable that it must always take precedence. Others might worry that this approach could inadvertently lead to children feeling neglected or secondary. These concerns are valid and deserve consideration. The balance between nurturing the spousal relationship and caring for children is indeed a delicate one. It can also vary greatly depending on individual family dynamics, values, and circumstances. The key is to find a balance that honors both relationships without compromising the integrity and well-being of either. It's not about choosing one over the other, but recognizing the interconnectedness of these relationships. We should recognize how they collectively contribute to a thriving family environment. Navigating Love's Journey I think we all hope that our kids grow up to find success, to change the world in their own unique way. But mostly importantly, we hope that they find happiness and love. If that hope comes to fruition, soon we’ll spend our remaining years next to the same person that we started it all with. What a shame if those next 40, 50, 60+ years don’t spring from deep connection and gratitude for the life you have together. Your children will be building their own lives and futures, and of course, you’ll want to be a part of their journey. But they won’t be eating dinner with you every night or waiting for you to snuggle them to sleep. Some might say this is precisely why we should prioritize our kids over everything else, because our time together is so limited. Yet what would you want for your parents? What do you want for your kids? You probably want them to have love, happiness, and fulfillment with someone who enriches their entire life. What is love if not a journey? A voyage that we embark on with our chosen partner, navigating the seas of life together. Our children join us on this adventure, but the compass that guides us remains the love we share with our significant other. It's a delicate dance, a balance that requires grace, understanding, and the wisdom to know when to lead and when to follow. So, as we reflect on the interplay of love and family, what practical steps can we take to ensure that our relationships thrive? I’m not suggesting extreme measures. I’m simply saying that in order for you to be the best version of yourself and the best parent, you must first have the best relationship with your partner. Rachel and I have the best time with our children. We go on crazy adventures as a family. We have karaoke parties, eat dinner together almost every night, go on weekend hikes, and take surprise trips to Funland in the summer. And we also make time to have a date night every single week. Friday nights are reserved for our relationship, and often, we’ll even sneak in a Tuesday dinner without the kids. While some may disagree, I truly believe that we are setting an example that shows our kids the importance of a fulfilling romantic relationship. It shows them what can be accomplished if that’s a priority and the happiness it can bring. Time will tell if I’m correct. But I have a feeling that our kids will always know and feel our endless love for them. And they’ll also be able to model and admire the passionate and loving relationship shared by their Mommy and Daddy.
Artificial Imagination All this mushy talk got me inspired, so I had MidJourney whip up an artsy love scene. It's a gentle embrace of affection, both charming and sincere. How do you perceive the connection between art and love, the most powerful of human emotions? Do you see them as intertwined expressions of what matters to us?
This is not an actual photo, but one that was totally A.I. generated using a prompt that I created on MidJourney
Vibe Challenge Romantic Rendezvous: Choose a day this week to surprise your significant other with a thoughtful date. It could be dinner at a new restaurant, a night out dancing, or a pottery workshop. The key is to make it unexpected and special. Reflect on the joy it brings to both of you, and enjoy the simple pleasure of spending quality time together.
My Weekly Vibe
Comedian: Rachel and I LOVE standup comedy. We’ve seen so many great shows over the years. Highlights include a surprise appearance by Jerry Seinfeld to Katt Williams and many trips to the legendary Comedy Cellar in NYC. Recently, we saw Tom Papa at a local venue, and he was genuinely impressive. We knew him from Netflix, but his live show was a different beast altogether. Not as raw as Katt Williams but not as buttoned-up as Seinfeld. If that's your comedic sweet spot, you might want to check him out. It’s still a bucket list item for me to see the GOATS, Chappelle and Chris Rock live.
TV Show: Speaking of Seinfeld, one of the greatest shows on TV is his series from a couple of years ago called Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee. In the show, Jerry gets behind the wheel of some sweet rides like a '64 Studebaker Avanti and a '70 Ford Mustang. He then takes a famous guest out for a chat at a local coffee shop or restaurant. Conversations range from comedy to Hollywood. My personal favorites are the episodes featuring Steve Harvey and Kate McKinnon. It's a binge-watch that is perfect for bedtime relaxation.
Mindfulness: Sometimes, we do need to stop and smell the roses to truly appreciate the beauty all around us. If you need some inspiration for finding the little joys throughout your day, check out this list of 100 simple pleasures posted by the Mind, Body, Dad blog. It really makes you think a little differently about things that are easily overlooked.
Device Charger: If your home is like ours, those charging bricks are always disappearing. I usually find a secret stash under one of the kids' beds. However, I recently found a solution. This super easy to install outlet extender has multiple USB and USB-C ports, and includes five regular AC outlets. It also serves as a night light. For $16 it was well worth the purchase.
Tom Papa | Netflix
Weekly Muse "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." – Marcel Proust
Real Estate Interest rates continue to be the talk of talk town, but why exactly do the Fed’s actions impact mortgage rates? I’ll make an attempt to break it down. When the Federal Reserve raises its benchmark interest rate, it sets off a chain reaction that ultimately leads to higher mortgage rates. The Fed rate doesn't directly dictate long-term mortgage rates. But it does heavily influence them. The primary cause is that mortgage rates are closely tied to the yield on 10-year Treasury notes. When the Fed boosts short-term rates, investors demand higher yields on those Treasury bonds. This ripples through the broader financial markets. Lenders raise mortgage rates in tandem to match the rising 10-year Treasury yield. The takeaway is that Fed rate hikes = higher mortgage rates over time. By boosting short-term rates, the Fed aims to slow the economy and reduce inflation. But this growth-slowing effect also impacts the housing sector. Prospective homebuyers end up dealing with the fallout of higher mortgage rates. This increases monthly payments and impacts housing affordability (now at a 40 year low ). It also can bring sales to screeching halt. However, the Fed believes that keeping inflation in check is vital for the long-term health of the economy. Homebuyers are forced to adapt to higher rates brought on by Fed tightening or choose to wait on the sidelines until things change. It’s the unfortunate tradeoff of fighting inflation. The question is how much is too much? It sounds like we may not be through hikes quite yet.
Just outside of our Nation’s capital, you can find this luxurious abode (G-Wagon not included). Since the home is still under construction, no need to swap out the toilet seat. You can be the first one to sit on that pearly throne. (courtesy of TTR Sotheby’s International Realty)
Interesting Find Have you ever wondered who the smartest person to ever live was? I know what you’re thinking, it’s not the ringer on your trivia team. The real answer just might be William James Sidis. William was born in 1898 and some estimate that his IQ may have been as much as 75 points higher than Einstein. At just 18 months old, he was reading the New York Times. By age 8, he taught himself 8 languages with fluency in each and actually invented his own language he called “Vendergood". At the age of 9 he was the youngest person to ever enroll at Harvard University. Sidis went on to have a varied career in mathematics, physics, and even anthropology. However, he was said to be quite eccentric and lived most of his life very privately until his death at the age of 46.
William James Sidis | Photo Cred: WIKIMEDIA
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